"The Party's Over"

Michele here. I haven't posted in quite a while - since it stopped being fun to talk about how Dee Dee was doing. As Brian has been documenting, she has been growing progressively worse.

Brian did a great job of recapping last night's excitement, but I have a few details to add. Dee Dee was urgent to get out of the house last night for the family party to which I was not invited. After our little walk in the rain around 2 am (Dee Dee fully dressed but without a sweater or jacket, and me in my nightgown and bare feet), I coaxed Dee Dee into pajamas and persuaded her (I thought) that the party was postponed until tomorrow because of the rain outside. Ten minutes later, she was fully dressed again and headed for the door. She spent a full hour circling the house from one door to the next, trying each one and moving on. I might have considered going back to bed, but she consistently parked her walker and kept trying to leave without it. (This morning she explained to me that there were no walkers allowed at the party.) So I busied myself in the family room and kitchen - making lunches, folding laundry, cleaning out the fridge - so that I could keep an eye on her.

Eventually, she got tired and went to bed, around 4:30. I set myself up on the couch for the night, to be sure I heard her if she got up again. Which she did, at 5:30. She insisted that I come stand in her room and listen to everything she had to say. I cut her off after a couple minutes, telling her I had to sleep. She became extremely agitated by this, demanding that I listen to her. When I asked her if her story was related to the party, she gave me a puzzled look, and replied, "No, the party's over."

I left her room sooner than she wanted and returned to the couch. Over the next hour, she filled an entire notepad with notes about the special telegrams she needed to send to all of her family all over the world (relatives in Norway, Ireland, and Europe, which, to my knowledge, do not exist).

All morning she has been very anxious and demanding of my time. She keeps pulling me into a room where we can talk privately - away from Louisa's ears - and the things she is saying, I have to admit, make no sense. One sentence doesn't follow coherently from another, but each time I interrupt to ask a question, she accuses me of not believing her.

Needless to say, five days away is too long to wait to see the doctor. My mom is calling this morning to see if we can get in earlier.

The woman living in my house bears little to no resemblance to the grandma I remember. She is becoming increasingly self-consumed, demanding, and accusatory. It is so hard to believe when you know the incredibly sweet and selfless woman she has always been. I am praying that the doctor will have medications to deal with these new delusional symptoms. We need a big improvement, quickly, for her to be able to stay here with us.

As for me, my aunt is coming for a visit today, and I am planning a nap for the three hours that Louisa is at kindergarten.

Friends and Family

In the past week, Michele and I have been swarmed with calls, emails, and offers of help. Thanks so much to all of you. Michele got some flowers from Sarah and an offer of Dee-Dee-sitting from Juli. Lynda has offerred to come up from Texas to help out, and tonight Maggi is bringing us some dinner. Wow! I know I’m forgetting some folks – we appreciate and thank all of you.

Add to that all the normal, everyday help from Denise and Diane, and we feel pretty lucky. Even when things have been tough like they've been the last couple weeks.

Especially touching to me personally has been the offers of help from friends of our in Jefferson City. A lot of those friends have been following the blog, and some were notified by a prayer chain request Michele sent to our old church. Michele's had some great talks with Julie and Stephanie and probably some others.

Last night, I had a great talk with another old JC friend, Jana. Her cousin, Roxana, is some kind of geriatric specialist (Jana – what is her title again?) and had some great advice for us.

One of the pieces of advice I thought was especially intriguing. Roxana said that in cases where there is a sudden and rapid increase in dementia, it’s usually (75% of the time) related to a bladder infection. Especially among women. She said this was especially important for us to know because most primary care doctors don’t know to look for that.

It reminded me that perhaps we’d be better served by seeing a geriatric specialist instead of Dee Dee’s long-time doctor. I don’t know. If anyone has any experience with doctors specializing in geriatric medicine, please let us know!