The Move

Friday we moved Dee Dee out of our house. Brian moved her things up to Gardenview while my mom and I took her out to lunch to break the news to her. All in all, she seemed to take the news remarkably well. She didn't say anything as we drove there, except to comment in a disparaging voice as we pulled up, "Oh. This place."

She said nothing as we entered. I walked her back to her room to get settled while my mom handled the paperwork. As we walked through the halls, she seemed increasingly sluggish and drowsy. I was almost worried she might collapse - her head was hanging so low and she was slouching tremendously. Several nurses and staff people greeted her, cheerfully welcoming her back. It was as if she didn't even hear them. She didn't raise her head or acknowledge them in any way. Then after one nurse left us, Dee Dee jerked her head up and started talking with me. At which point I realized the sluggishness was an act. She was determined not to talk to "those people."

Now, Dee Dee has several personality modes which I've had the privilege to get to know over the last few months. There's sweet Dee Dee, funny Dee Dee (she has an amazingly sharp wit still), agitated Dee Dee, ...and scheming Dee Dee, which is one of my new favorites. In scheming mode, Dee Dee is upbeat and smily, and revels in sharing her clever ideas to trick the people who are thwarting her desires. This Dee Dee first showed up while trying to trick her home health caregivers into letting her out of the house so she could go to the lake on her own. And Dee Dee was in full scheming mode this afternoon.

As mom and I were organizing things in her room, she started grinning as she explained to us the clever plan she had devised to escape and meet me back at my house. I can't say I fully understood the intricacies of the plan, but it included some of the following elements: 1) telling everyone it was storming outside to fool them (since it was actually a beautiful sunny day); 2) crumbling the bag of homemade cookies I brought for her into tiny crumbs; 3) collecting all the shoes she could find, including those on her roommate's side of the room; 4) sneaking covertly into the hall and scoping out exits; 5) jumping onto a delivery truck in the rain so that no one would notice her; 6) meeting me back at my house later this evening.

She was clearly not happy to be back at Gardenview, but she was channeling her dismay in a way which by far easier on Mom and me than we were expecting. There were no scenes, no tears, no physical struggles... only cheerful schemes to escape.

My mom stayed with Dee Dee several hours this afternoon, and reported that Dee Dee even brightened a little at dinner when she recognized several faces in the room. When my mom left her this evening, settled into a recliner in a common lounge area, she was cheerful. Mom reminded her that my aunt would be coming up to see her tomorrow, probably in the afternoon near lunchtime. Dee Dee asked her, "So, if I'm back by 11:30, that would be soon enough?" Clearly she is planning to escape tonight, but be back in time to visit with her daughter tomorrow.

Needless to say, Mom made sure before she left here that the nurses got Dee Dee's "wanderguard" bracelet set up, so she won't be escaping tonight. However, I wouldn't be surprised to see her tomorrow and hear all about her nighttime escapades around the town.

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for us throughout the day and sharing words of encouragement. Many of you have expressed concern that I shouldn't feel guilty, so let me assure you that I really don't. I feel very sad that we can't keep Dee Dee with us any longer, but I truly believe this will be the best situation for our family and ultimately for Dee Dee as she needs more and more care (even though she will never admit it).