Friday we moved Dee Dee out of our house. Brian moved her things up to Gardenview while my mom and I took her out to lunch to break the news to her. All in all, she seemed to take the news remarkably well. She didn't say anything as we drove there, except to comment in a disparaging voice as we pulled up, "Oh. This place."
She said nothing as we entered. I walked her back to her room to get settled while my mom handled the paperwork. As we walked through the halls, she seemed increasingly sluggish and drowsy. I was almost worried she might collapse - her head was hanging so low and she was slouching tremendously. Several nurses and staff people greeted her, cheerfully welcoming her back. It was as if she didn't even hear them. She didn't raise her head or acknowledge them in any way. Then after one nurse left us, Dee Dee jerked her head up and started talking with me. At which point I realized the sluggishness was an act. She was determined not to talk to "those people."
Now, Dee Dee has several personality modes which I've had the privilege to get to know over the last few months. There's sweet Dee Dee, funny Dee Dee (she has an amazingly sharp wit still), agitated Dee Dee, ...and scheming Dee Dee, which is one of my new favorites. In scheming mode, Dee Dee is upbeat and smily, and revels in sharing her clever ideas to trick the people who are thwarting her desires. This Dee Dee first showed up while trying to trick her home health caregivers into letting her out of the house so she could go to the lake on her own. And Dee Dee was in full scheming mode this afternoon.
As mom and I were organizing things in her room, she started grinning as she explained to us the clever plan she had devised to escape and meet me back at my house. I can't say I fully understood the intricacies of the plan, but it included some of the following elements: 1) telling everyone it was storming outside to fool them (since it was actually a beautiful sunny day); 2) crumbling the bag of homemade cookies I brought for her into tiny crumbs; 3) collecting all the shoes she could find, including those on her roommate's side of the room; 4) sneaking covertly into the hall and scoping out exits; 5) jumping onto a delivery truck in the rain so that no one would notice her; 6) meeting me back at my house later this evening.
She was clearly not happy to be back at Gardenview, but she was channeling her dismay in a way which by far easier on Mom and me than we were expecting. There were no scenes, no tears, no physical struggles... only cheerful schemes to escape.
My mom stayed with Dee Dee several hours this afternoon, and reported that Dee Dee even brightened a little at dinner when she recognized several faces in the room. When my mom left her this evening, settled into a recliner in a common lounge area, she was cheerful. Mom reminded her that my aunt would be coming up to see her tomorrow, probably in the afternoon near lunchtime. Dee Dee asked her, "So, if I'm back by 11:30, that would be soon enough?" Clearly she is planning to escape tonight, but be back in time to visit with her daughter tomorrow.
Needless to say, Mom made sure before she left here that the nurses got Dee Dee's "wanderguard" bracelet set up, so she won't be escaping tonight. However, I wouldn't be surprised to see her tomorrow and hear all about her nighttime escapades around the town.
Thanks to all of you who have been praying for us throughout the day and sharing words of encouragement. Many of you have expressed concern that I shouldn't feel guilty, so let me assure you that I really don't. I feel very sad that we can't keep Dee Dee with us any longer, but I truly believe this will be the best situation for our family and ultimately for Dee Dee as she needs more and more care (even though she will never admit it).
Showing posts with label outings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label outings. Show all posts
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
I've got to get to the Lake to see my family
The family headed down to the Lake of the Ozarks, with Dee Dee, to hang out with Michele's sister and her two boys. It went great. Dee Dee had lots of people on hand to help her, and I think it's good for her any time we get her out of the house.
On Friday, we brought Dee Dee back from the Lake. She took a nap in the car and then when she got home. This turned out to be important, as in her mind, she was just with us at the Lake.
At 1:00, we got our new home health person, Yolanda. We had the standard meet and greet that we've become accustomed to. After Dee Dee was settled and looked good to go, the rest of us headed out the door for some family time at the mall.
While we were gone, apparently, Dee Dee tried to leave the house repeatedly. Since there are several doors on the main level that she has rarely seen used, this meant that she was trying the door to the garage, the front door, and the door to the basement (the most dangerous door of all for her). Yolanda of course prevented her from leaving, at one point even standing in front of Dee Dee.
Dee Dee asked for Yolanda's phone at another point, saying that she needed to call us.
So it didn't go well. We got the after-action report from Yolanda, then later we heard Dee Dee's side of the story. You see, that woman was keeping Dee Dee from going to the Lake to see her family. We had left without her. Yolanda was mean. She wouldn't even let Dee Dee use her phone to call 911. She wouldn't let Dee Dee leave the house to find us.
"But Dee Dee, we weren't at the Lake. We told you we were just running some errands."
"But I told her I needed to go to the Lake to see my family, and she wouldn't let me!"
"Dee Dee, we told you, we weren't at the Lake."
"But she didn't know that."
Dee Dee was obviously very confused, and it was the most agitated I'd ever seen her. She definitely believed that we drove to the Lake while Yolanda was there. But even after she recognized that we were just out running errands, she was still upset that Yolanda wouldn't believe anything Dee Dee said. I've never known Dee Dee to dislike anyone, but she definitely disliked Yolanda.
We had high hopes before that visit that Dee Dee would adjust well to her new home health helper, but Friday was not a good start.
On Friday, we brought Dee Dee back from the Lake. She took a nap in the car and then when she got home. This turned out to be important, as in her mind, she was just with us at the Lake.
At 1:00, we got our new home health person, Yolanda. We had the standard meet and greet that we've become accustomed to. After Dee Dee was settled and looked good to go, the rest of us headed out the door for some family time at the mall.
While we were gone, apparently, Dee Dee tried to leave the house repeatedly. Since there are several doors on the main level that she has rarely seen used, this meant that she was trying the door to the garage, the front door, and the door to the basement (the most dangerous door of all for her). Yolanda of course prevented her from leaving, at one point even standing in front of Dee Dee.
Dee Dee asked for Yolanda's phone at another point, saying that she needed to call us.
So it didn't go well. We got the after-action report from Yolanda, then later we heard Dee Dee's side of the story. You see, that woman was keeping Dee Dee from going to the Lake to see her family. We had left without her. Yolanda was mean. She wouldn't even let Dee Dee use her phone to call 911. She wouldn't let Dee Dee leave the house to find us.
"But Dee Dee, we weren't at the Lake. We told you we were just running some errands."
"But I told her I needed to go to the Lake to see my family, and she wouldn't let me!"
"Dee Dee, we told you, we weren't at the Lake."
"But she didn't know that."
Dee Dee was obviously very confused, and it was the most agitated I'd ever seen her. She definitely believed that we drove to the Lake while Yolanda was there. But even after she recognized that we were just out running errands, she was still upset that Yolanda wouldn't believe anything Dee Dee said. I've never known Dee Dee to dislike anyone, but she definitely disliked Yolanda.
We had high hopes before that visit that Dee Dee would adjust well to her new home health helper, but Friday was not a good start.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
White Castle's Been Around a Long Time
White Castle has always been a favorite of Dee Dee's. Michele didn't feel like heading out today, and I get cabin fever easily, so I took Dee Dee and the girls out and left Michele home. Dee Dee raised the average female age at the table from 7 to 27.
In our discussion there, she mentions that White Castle has been around a long time, and that she doesn't remember a time when there wasn't a White Castle.
The first White Castle opened in 1921. Dee Dee was born in 1920. So that makes sense. I don't want to give the impression that everything she says is off-the-wall; much of what she has to say is accurate and/or insightful. But I just had to look up White Castle on Wikipedia just to double-check her recollection.
During lunch, she also talked a lot about how our girls are growing up, and boys are going to start checking them out. "You'll be out at a dance or a show [in her mind, these are what kids do on weekends] and two guys will walk by your girls, then they'll turn around and say 'Man, there goes a looker!'" After pausing to reflect, she then added "And boys don't always stop doing that even after they're married!"
Anyway, it was fun, and it felt surprisingly normal. We all ran back to the car in the rain, which has got to be the first time in years that Dee Dee has had to run in the rain.
Michele took a trip to Grant's Farm yesterday with Dee Dee and some members of Michele's Aunt's family (Ace, Ashley, Henry). We'll try to get some picture up soon of that trip.
In our discussion there, she mentions that White Castle has been around a long time, and that she doesn't remember a time when there wasn't a White Castle.
The first White Castle opened in 1921. Dee Dee was born in 1920. So that makes sense. I don't want to give the impression that everything she says is off-the-wall; much of what she has to say is accurate and/or insightful. But I just had to look up White Castle on Wikipedia just to double-check her recollection.
During lunch, she also talked a lot about how our girls are growing up, and boys are going to start checking them out. "You'll be out at a dance or a show [in her mind, these are what kids do on weekends] and two guys will walk by your girls, then they'll turn around and say 'Man, there goes a looker!'" After pausing to reflect, she then added "And boys don't always stop doing that even after they're married!"
Anyway, it was fun, and it felt surprisingly normal. We all ran back to the car in the rain, which has got to be the first time in years that Dee Dee has had to run in the rain.
Michele took a trip to Grant's Farm yesterday with Dee Dee and some members of Michele's Aunt's family (Ace, Ashley, Henry). We'll try to get some picture up soon of that trip.
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