Why We're Doing It

For those who don't know, here's a little insight into why we decided to invite Dee Dee to come live with us.

1) Her happiness. Gardenview was good. She got plenty of food. They were very nice to her. We really have no complaints. Dee Dee certainly never complained. But every time we dropped her off after taking her somewhere, she was obviously sad. When she was at our house, she enjoyed just hanging out in the kitchen with whomever, talking or not. As long as she's with family, she's content.

2) Her finances. I don't know particulars, but I got the sense that Gardenview was expensive, and Dee Dee would need to sell her house soon to pay for it. She still has expenses living with us: home health people who bathe her 3x a week, for example. But as I understand it, living with us is far cheaper than living at Gardenview.

3) Our Christian obligation to take care of our parents. After we had made the decision, we ran across this article from Christianity Today. It's called 'Honor Thy Father' for Grownups. The paragraph that really stood out for us was this one:

The generations handling care for dying parents are facing something their ancestors never did. They're part of smaller and less-stable extended families. They're less likely to live near their parents—sometimes they are thousands of miles away. And the amount of time spent caring for elderly family members can extend from a few tough years to many difficult decades. Even the strongest families will be stretched to the limit when attempting to fulfill the commandment to honor one's parents. So what do you do?

You take care of your parents.

Basically, just because it's hard doesn't mean we shouldn't do it.

4) Do you have relatives who are hard to get along with? Of course you do. Everyone's got some little quirk that annoys you after a while. And if you get to know someone well enough, eventually they'll get mad at you for some offense. But not Dee Dee. I've never seen her get mad. She is a remarkably kind woman. That made the whole decision a lot easier.

5) If I'm really honest about it, I would also add this one: We didn't think it would be that hard. Dee Dee had been living on her own and only went to Gardenview because she needed to recover from a stint in the hospital. She dressed herself, fed herself, etc. But as it turns out, she does all those things with only about a 75% proficiency. She needs more help than we thought. It's still manageable, but it's more work for us than we thought.

So here we are. So far, so good.